Monday, March 18, 2013

10 Reasons I'd like to be a Dad For a Day

Last week I was reading one of my favorite blogs- Cloudy, With a Chance of Wine when she posted this fantastic gem "10 Things I'd do if I could be a man for a day". If you haven't read her stuff, get on over there- NOW.  She is the epitome of how a blogger gets it done, in my opinion.  Although it isn't really just my opinion as she and several other bloggers I idolize  follow were recently published in a book called "I Just Want to Pee Alone". Don't think that's funny? Don't get it? Clearly you are not a mom.  Let me give you a visual to explain what the title...

Now do you see why this is funny? It's true. Oh so true.

As I was reading Cloudy's post about the things she would do if given the chance to be a man, I realized I don't really have the desire to be a man.  When I was younger and newly married I definitely had my "Men have it so easy days" but as I've grown up and actually lived with a man for 13+ years, I came to discover that being a man ain't all it's cracked up to be.  First of all, I'd have to live with me.  That in and of itself makes the whole thing less than appealing.  

So although I don't really want to be a man (in spite of the awesomeness that is going to the bathroom at anytime, regardless of location, without fear of peeing on your own pants and shoes) if someone were to offer up a chance to be a DAD for a day, I'd be all over that a la Hermione Granger wildly raising her hand and chanting, "Me! Me! Pick me! Pick me!" Why, you ask?  Here's why...

10 Reasons I'd Like to Be a Dad For a Day

1. Take my child shoe shopping and buy any pair of shoes he wants- including high tops, mid tops and the ones with the crazy long laces.  And I'd buy them while doing the Moon Walk around the store going on and on about how these are the freshest kicks on the planet and NOT going on and on about how it takes the child 27 minutes to cram his foot into the freaking shoe and another 13 minutes to tie the mile-long laces thereby making us late for school every single day. 

2. Help my child tie the Rapunzel-like laces of his new shoes using a quadruple knot with no regard for the fact that at some point in the day (probably in a public bathroom with a cart full of stuff) these shoes will need to be removed and the jaws of life will be required to get the knots out. 

3. Walk in the door after being away all day and have my kids scream my name, jump up and down and fly at me from any location in the house.  Because my arrival tends to signal the end of something awesome like a play date or school the reaction I typically get is, "Awww. Really? Do I have to go? Why did you have to come now? Can't I have 5 more minutes?" Nothing says "I missed you, Mom" quite like your kids begging for 5 more minutes before they must alone with you.

4. Feed my children with no regard to what they ate before, what they will eat later, grams of sugar, or the latest Facebook posts about how we're slowly killing our children with the foods we feed them.  

5. Let my kids watch 3 movies in a row without feeling guilty or like people "just know" and are judging me as a bad or lazy parent.  I love that about my husband, by the way.  He can just BE- it is what it is, no more, no less. "They're watching more t.v. than usual, no biggie. It's just one day."

6. Show up at Open House and "ooh" and "ahhh" over the kids' projects having no memories of the blood, sweat, tears, hot glue gun and multiple trips to Michael's it took to make these these masterpieces.

7. Wake up in the morning blissfully unaware that both children had a bad dream during the night and wandered into our room to stand silent vigil next to the side of the bed, staring and using some sort of voodoo mind  meld to wake me up from a dead sleep with a heart attack and gasp. 

8. Stand up and fart, walk and fart, even breathe and fart causing raucous laughter to break out and earning a high five of approval rather than an admonishing eyebrow raise and a "Mom, that's gross" when I let even the smallest burp loose.

9. Dance around like a fool... naked.  When The Hubs does it, the kids strip down faster than Magic Mike and break into booty shakes and pelvic thrusts.  If I even so much as hop around with a towel on I'm told that's "inappropriate" or "weird."

10. Answer one and only question on a daily basis.. "Where's Mom?"

I loved this when I was floating around Facebook over the last few weeks.
Some people are so creative!

Being a mom is awesome- no doubt about it.  I love that I'm the one they call for when they're scared or hurt and I recognize that I am the default, go-to for my boys because relying on me is as natural as breathing- they have no doubt that when they need me, I'm there. But it would be equally awesome to be the Fun Dad once in a while. And dance around naked.

I love being a mom, but wouldn't mind being a Dad for a day.
That's just my normal. 


Dani Ryan said...

Bahahahaha! I love this! And come to think of it, I think I would like to be a dad for a day, rather than a man for a day. I am always jealous of how easily my husband can just go with the flow and not worry about anything other than whatever is happening in the heat of the moment. It must be heavenly!!!!

Thank you SO MUCH for linking back to me, and for mentioning the book! That was so amazing of you. And I loved that graphic. Too hilarious. And too true! I still leave the bathroom door open, and inevitably get a Sandy Boynton book thrown on my lap to read. :)


Dani Ryan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Penny Roach said...

This was great Vicky!!

I was feelin' a wee bit guilty about #4....and then read #8. And as I'm reading it, who walks in but the Hubs demonstrating that very thing. How lucky am I?

The great thing about being a mom is....when your kids become famous, they will turn to the camera to say "Hi Mom". Score!

Penny at Green Moms and Kids

Robbie K said...

This is hysterical and I can't even pick one favorite!

in pursuit said...

Oh good, I was worried you'd be irritated because I realized AFTER I posted this that I didn't ask your permission first. It was an honor to link to you. I can't wait to get my copy of the book!! So inspiring.

in pursuit said...

I didn't even think of the famous "shout out" Penny! Now I have to force my kids to focus on a sport and make them practice 10,000 hours per week so they can get famous and give me a t.v. shout out! And if I'm really lucky one of them will tattoo "I love Mom" on their body;) heehee! Oh, and #8... Trust me girl, I feel your painThanks as always for continuing to support and encourage me;)

in pursuit said...

Thanks Robbie! I don't know which I'd pick first either! I guess I'll have to be a Dad for 10 days. Thanks for stopping by and commenting!

Janene Krajci Christine Hutchinson said...

That is a GREAT graphic!!!

I love all your reasons, too! I have to say that #7 is probably the one that I connect with most, though. I swear he sleeps like a rock no matter WHAT craziness is going on . . . and on the weekends there is no getting him out of bed. *sigh*


in pursuit said...

Oh #7, I hate that one. One night I actually slept on my husband's side of the bed to see if it would change anything. Guess what? Nothing changed. My 6 year old stumbled into the room, went to my side, stared at my husband for about 10 seonds as he processed what he saw, then came over to the other side of the bed to find me! There's no hope, Janene! They will always find us!! Thanks for coming by and leaving a comment.

Jen Marie said...

Number 7 is my favorite! My kids are always standing over me when I'm sleeping! They will stay forever too, I can't try to ignore them, they'll just stand there. I guess they assume I can hear them breathing. If I ignore them long enough they'll start saying "! MOM!" and the snoring hubby just sleeps through it all!

Carrie's Just Mildly Medicated said...

voodoo mind melt for sure, that is creepy stuff! Love your blog, its amazing!
Carrie @ Just Mildly Medicated

Jennifer said...

They are all hilarious!

Janine Huldie said...

Love that flow chart graphic and you convinced me (you really didn't have to twist my arm) that being a dad for day would be great!! :)

in pursuit said...

Why do they all do that!?! Don't they know how freaking freaky it is to wake up and find someone staring at you!!?

in pursuit said...

So creepy! Love yours too! I forgot to comment on your letter to your 16 year old self I think! I have to go back and check.

in pursuit said...

Thanks Jennifer!! Being a dad is pretty awesome;)

in pursuit said...

Even just one day, right? Being a mom is wonderful but being a dad wouldn't be so bad temporarily;)

themammasclub said...

10 gems of gave me a good laugh Vicky! Loved it...including ' being a dad wont be so bad tempprarily' !!

Mommy's Heart said...

You never fail to make me laugh with your awesome perspectives :)
After reading the points noted above, I have started dreaming of being a Dad at least for one day :) Its good for a change.. and I also want the Dad in my kids' life to be a Mom and take a sneak peak at her world too :)

in pursuit said...

So glad you got a good laugh! Thta's what us mamas need, right?

in pursuit said...

I think you might have hit on something here. maybe I'll aks The Hubs to write a guest post about why he would or would not like to be a mom for a day;)

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